A mom's thoughts on her daughter's life and ultimate gift after death .. BLOG
In Kamloops BC., alone in the month of October 2022 there was 10 confirmed fatal overdoses from a toxic drug supply. My Angel, to them you are a number and just a statistic. To your family, you were so much more than that .. you were and are loved, admired, wanted!
The sad reality is people saw you as an “addict,” a waste of skin, street trash, not worth saving and always assumed you were a criminal of some sort. What they didn’t see is the little girl who was born on her grandmothers birthday, the youngest of 4. The final piece to our family. Loved immensely by your siblings. Best friends with your brother growing up. They didn’t see a young lady who had an immense love of all animals. A passion like no other for horses and a fearlessness about you that you would get on any horse point it towards a jump and go for it. The didn’t see the girl who mastered pretty much anything she put her mind to. A person who would help anyone she crossed paths with. They didn’t see the girl who wanted to be an addictions counselor to help young people avoid the path in life you walked. You would have been amazing at this by the way!
People saw you for simply an “addict” that wanted nothing more out of her life. They didn’t see the troubled look in your eyes. Or the fear in your voice when facing withdrawals trying to beat this disease. They didn’t see the hoops we jumped to help you. They weren’t there as you sat on my bed crying and begging for help. Or the calls I made looking for help knowing my window was short lived before the demon took hold and I lost you to it again.
The number of calls I made to the ministry begging for help to pointless and they wouldn’t give us any help. Calls to treatment centers to find out there is sweet fuck all in and around Kamloops for teen girls unless you could afford upwards of $30,000/m for private care. The numerous hospital visits to get recommended to detox and for meds to help alleviate the withdrawal and desires to keep using. Only when the first OD happened did they want to help, but by that time your desire to have the help was gone and you were just as angry with them as I was that it took that for them to step in.
Over the 7 years we fought together to beat this. The trips to the emergency room to be treated like shit by the nurses, the many comments like “No sorry, we don’t have room,” or “She’s too young for our treatment centre,” took its toll, and you lost the desire to fight as the help just wasn’t to be found.
The many brushes with death didn’t seem to scare you and you were like a cat with 9 lives. The last brush with impending doom finally brought you home to your family in Red Deer, Alberta where I had 2 months with you. We got to spend the rest of summer together and managed a few waterfall adventures. You met your niece and nephew and we got some amazing pictures together that I will forever cherish.
It angers me that people only saw you for an “addict” who wanted nothing from life. It angers me that the help they say is there for you, and others in your situation, was not easily accessible or affordable for the average person. It was easy for them to look down on you, offer their advice on what we should or should not do but refused to help with that advice, as if their words alone would be enough to make it happen
The side of addiction people don’t see is the PERSON they are; they are people regardless of their choices in life not the scum of society that aren’t worth saving as so many people say so easily.
They don’t see that despite all your troubles and the outcome of your choices YOU saved 3 people’s lives the day you heart stopped beating. You hear all the time that someone died in a car accident etc and what a hero they were for the ability to donate their organs to help someone.
Well you may not have died in a car accident or of natural causes but you were still a hero in someone else’s story. Because of you they get more time in this world and for your family it made letting you go just a tiny, tiny bit better knowing that parts of you will live on in this world to experience life the way you wanted despite all the troubles you faced.
We love you and miss you so much Angel.
Ride free and rest easy 💜💜💜💜